Innocence

"What happened to me
The girl in the mirror
The one with the innocence
She screams but no one hears her
The one with a broken heart
She tried not to hurt
Now she's in the dark
                                                                           > both of those are vocals
I'm lookin for my innocence
Don't know why it went and where it's been
But I think it's got somethin to do with memory
And memory's got somethin to do with you... and me

...
                                                                  Rapping begins
I don't know when i lost it but i think it was with you
when i gave you my heart too early too soon
somethin happened and im not real sure
do i stay or walk out that door?

And now i find my innocence is gone
just like the night turns into dawn
I tried to stop you but i guess you didn't hear
the seriousness in my voice and the smell of fear

Now we're grown up from experience and pain
way before our time it's not even sane
Never meant to hurt or do anything
but i gotta accept that such are my chains
my heart was given way before its time
so be careful with yours, don't waste it like mine
shouldn't have lost it cause it caused me this
and now iv'e lost my innocence."


^ Snippets of a song I wrote. It's actually a rap...which is weird considering i'm usually a country or light metal girl.... 
But the lyrics seemed to be sticking in my head so hey.

I've been doing some thinking.
I practically got nothin' but time on my hands so hey, why not.
Besides. It's when you're bored or trying to sleep/relax that all of the secrets of the world start to bang on your door and beg for answers.  -.-
But during my... meditation (   :P   )
I realized that you don't have to be assaulted, or do something bad to lose your innocence.  Being hurt, watching those you love be hurt...
Pain can steal innocence.  You realize that the world is so much more "Big and Bad" than the big land where dreams come true that you see as a child.  When you come to realize this, a part of your innocence is stripped away as you no longer trust like the child you were. You no longer give trust, friendship, favors, love as freely as you did when you saw everyone as a friend. 

In a way, that's a bad thing, but in another way, don't we all have to grow up and stop living in Wonderland at some point? 
The dilema is this:
Where do you draw the line between a learning curve, and going too far, untolerable treatment, etc.?
How long do you sit by while you lose your innocence before you decide enough is enough?
Or how do you make yourself see that it's just that; a learning experience? 

I don't even know what I'm saying I'm just kindof rambling at this point. 

Anyway.

Dog sitting this week.
Whoop!

till later

Xtine