Funny Quotes

So this is mostly just going to be a compilation of some of my favorite quotes :)

"Aint none of my weapons made by concealed they all made by smith and wesson."  Madea

"I'll shove that phone so far down your throat you'll have to call 911 wit' yo navel!"
Madea

"I keeps me a piece of steel [pulls out gun] load your steel thank ya jesus!"
Madea

"Every time I try to read the Bible... and Jesus... the one with all the words in red... I open my Bible to that New Testimonial and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin' way too much."
Madea

"Well when you gettin got to somebody that got you and you got get them when you get them everyone gonna get got!"
Madea

***Notice how all of these are from Madea?.... Yeah she's my inspiration....***

"Cooka big pot of grits, bring him into the kitchen, then toss the grits on him. Then after you toss them, swat him with a frying pan. You gotta get you a good balanced weight, toss and swat, toss and swat, Venus and Serena, that's called grit ball."
Madea

"She don't know me. I'm a straight-up thug. I shot Tupac. Yes, I did. We was arguing over a parking place. I didn't kill him, though. No, that wasn't me."
Madea

Shawn Spencer: Good morning detectives, collecting money for the Policeman's ball?
Carlton Lassiter: We don't have balls.
Shawn Spencer: I honestly have no response to that.
Psych

Shawn Spencer: Besides, this is a real-life television studio, Gus. What could be better?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Eating my breakfast. I was having a poached egg with hollandaise sauce on an English muffin.
Shawn Spencer: Look, we'll solve it up quick. You'll be home in no time.
[pretends to answer phone]
Shawn Spencer: Hello? Darn  Judi Dench called. She wants her breakfast back.
Psych

Receptionist: There is a Lt. Crunch here to see you.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Crunch?
Shawn Spencer: [enters, dressed in a Civil War uniform] Actually, I've been promoted. It's Captain Crunch.
Psych



Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn? What the heck are you doing here?
Shawn Spencer: I should ask you the same question.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I work here!
Shawn Spencer: I should ask you a different question.
Psych

Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be a myopic chihuahua. I have a foolproof plan that solves the case and gives the Chief all the credit.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: What is it?
Shawn Spencer: Actually, all I have is the phrase "I have a foolproof plan." Beyond that, I'm wide open.

Gus: How should we introduce ourselves? Don't say "psychic," they'll shut you off. Pick something vague, like Alternative Tactics Division.
Shawn Spencer: How about the Bureau of Magic and Spell Casting?

Shawn: Ahh!
Gus: Shhh!
Shawn: I'm so sorry my agonizing pain is inconveniencing you.

Gus: (about the spelling bee) I tried to get tickets, but you've got to know somebody.
Shawn: Somebody lame.

Shawn:  Gus, don't be a gooey chocolate chip cookie!

"To love someone deeply gives you strength.  Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage." 
Lao Tzu

She said that she wanted to cut herself.
He took a Polaroid of her, handed it to Her along with scissors, and had her cut it up.
She said that she wanted to stay up All night and drink.
He gave her a 12 pack of caffeinated Pepsi and said "drink up."
She said that she wanted to shoot Herself in the face.
He gave her a water gun, put her finger On the trigger, aimed it at her face, and Helped her pull the trigger.
She said that she wanted to get high.
He took her to the tallest hill in town.
She said that she wanted to see her blood.
He took her to get her ears pierced.
She said that she wanted to cry herself to sleep.
He had her watch a sad, romantic movie before bed.
She said that she wanted to be alone.
He gave her a name tag that said "my Name is: alone."
She said that she wanted to have someone there To take care of her, always.
He asked when he wasn't…

When a girls calls you adorable, she thinks of you like a cute little brother. When a girl asks for your number, she likes you like a friend. When she asks a friend for your number, she likes you a lot. when a girl says she got over you but wont talk to you when you pass by, she's hurting. 

Jack Sparrow: No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You've burned all the food, the shade, the RUM!
Elizabeth Swann: Yes, the rum is gone.
Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth Swann: One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire royal navy is out looking for me; do you really think that there is EVEN the slightest chance that they won't see it?
Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone?!

Language of a Teenage Girl
Fine- Completely pissed.
Five minutes- Half an hour.
Nothing- Something.
Just tired- I'm upset, hug me.
Go ahead- Don't even think about it.
Thanks- This apology is legit.
Thanks a lot- This apology sucks.
Nice- Not nice.

There are 7 continents, 193 countries, 50 states, 4 oceans, 9 planets........... and I had the unfortunate luck to meet you.

You see that girl?
yeah, she's the one who stuck up for you.
The one who stayed up until midnight, just to talk to you.
She's the one whose heart flutters when she gets,
a call or text from you. She's one who fought for
you, the one that missed and loved you.
By the time you realize that she's the girl you want...
She'll already be with the guy who figured it out.

Unless your name is google... STOP ACTING LIKE YOU FREAKIN KNOW EVERYTHING

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you've never met

Tell me I can't and I will push harder.
Tell me I won't and I will prove you wrong.
Tell me I shouldn't and I will need to try.
Hold on to my mistakes and I will push you away.
BUT tell me I can and you will be my hero.
Believe in me and you will be invaluable.
Give me wisdom and I will strive to accept it.
Look past my mistakes and you will be in my heart forever.
<3

Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know why I look this way.  I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched; they must be felt with the heart.

AAAAAND I'm extremely tired... maybe more  later?
meh

Nightt kiddies
<3