Well.
Things have been going a lot better. I went through a few sessions of therapy
I still feel so weird saying that. I always swore I'd never do that but once I did it helped and made me realize a LOT of things. Anyway.
Those weeks were hard because she ended up digging up a ton of painful events from the when i was a kid and even the recent past. But i've noticed that my anxiety is mostly gone, no more panic attacks or obsessive thinking. Part of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is obsessing over a certain line of thoughts all day long. For me it's usually fears or painful memories that my mind chooses to focus on and this can bring panic attacks and make me miserable. Dealing with that took retraining my mind but i rarely do anymore and i'm much happier now.
The band and I just started officially recording and i'm SO excited :) All we need now is a vocal processor. Anyone got one?? eh?? EH?? XD
I always laugh when people ask me what our style is.... We all love varieties of music so.... I'm not really ever sure what to answer....
I started beauty school and absolutely LOVE it!!! I'm learning the proper way to cut hair, I'm learning how to give microderm abrasions, i'll be doing chemical peels, hair coloring, nails, skin, so so much!
Also i found my next hair style so i'm excited to get that done next thursday.
It's a little draining to only have one day off in a week. and even then, my day is always filled with millions of things to do. but i'll live. :)
Let's see....
Well tonight i'm going on a date :)
Dinner and a movie:) I'm excited.
Other than that i think that's about it...
I had this really awesome idea for a blog...then i forgot....
hey what else is new ;)
See you kiddies later :)
Tip your waitresses, say hi when a cashier greets you, and don't leave a mess.
talk to strangers x)
F&A
Oh yeah! side track. anyone heard of the abduction of that little ten year old girl???
They found a body in an old mine i guess and a canine unit identifed a car parked in a Walmart parking lot as having been to that mine and it was also concluded that the girl had been in the car but no one has released the identity of the body yet.... as far as i've heard...
I'm seriously disgusted. Ok is it not enough to RAPE a ten year old girl? She could recover from that, hopefully but they have to kill her too?? It's sick!!! i'd LOVE to get my hands on that bag of crap and beat him senseless.... then hand him over to the angry mob waiting to do the same... ha.
Oh yeah ANOTHER thing.
So at the coffee shop by my work... some creepy 30 something barista was hitting on me and complimenting me left and right and he carded me when i have the signature on back and nobody there EVER cards me... what the heck... gross. get some class.
and right after that i was walking back to school when out of NOWHERE, i swear it was like the voice of God, (except i'd like to think God wouldn't say this to me..... I think we're on decent terms Him and me....) I hear this voice screeching "YOU LOOK LIKE A DUMB B****"
Um... well i'm aware that not everybody has the same fashion sense but I wasn't wearing anything crazy, just black panst, boots, a cute tank under a long, thin sweater... So thanks but um....
I turned around ready to throw down with someone but i noticed a girl from school walking toward me and thought better of it. Good thing, too because later i found out that it wasn't the tool in the car next to me like i'd thought. It was so hobo on a bike! Nice. Sooooo here I am holding the keys to my own car while you're hoofin it around in the winter air on a BIKE.... um.... either you're a crazy green hobo or you're too broke to get a car for yourself and I'M the dumb b****?? yeaaah.
The whole rest of the day i was just so on edge. It's not like i was really offended, i mean it's downtown loveland... that's not exactly something new. but i mean who does that?! I had so much adrenaline ready to start a fight and since i couldn't.. it just basically lasted the whole day. I'm sure all of my customers were like "what is wroooong with this woman.... wow..." haha
So please, don't hit on people 20 years your junior... and don't be stupid. that's all.
:)
Ok now i'm really going i swear.
Bya!!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Marriage. The real kind.
I feel like such a slacker. I haven't written since July!! :O
Well I actually have an interesting topic for this one. Well it's interesting to me anyway because it's relevant to my life.
Marriage.
Has anyone but me noticed the decline in lasting marriages?
I think there are several contributing factors.
First is the sad fact that many couples lose sight of the young love they once had. Life comes along and hits you like a ton of bricks and you get so caught up in paying bills, taking care of kids, working, house chores, etc etc that you have no more time to be spontanious and romantic or barely even talk. This helps nothing. I understand that it's a part of life but its very important to have couple time too. Babysitters = Best friends.
Along with this, after so much stress you start to feel like the relationship itself is the problem. Hello. No. This used to work and it doesn't now so something changed. Could it possibly be all those life issues mentioned before? Nooo.*gasp*
Love is not a chore. It should never be treated like one. If your love is starting to feel like a burden, something needs to change. I suggest time for reconnecting. And this doesn't have to mean spending absorbant ammounts of money. Honestly, girls don't always need money like so many people think. (Though i will admit, there are those superficial, snobby, needy girls too.....)
Built a fort in the living room and have a late-night picnic after the kids are asleep. Pick a Saturday and have someone watch the kids for a couple hours while you go to the park and cloud watch or walk. Pick a book to read together in bed after the kids are asleep.
Simple, fun, INEXPENSIVE ways to bond and enjoy each other's company.
Another problem in many of today's marriages is that the kids become priority one. Children need to be nurrtured and cared for, duh. But your spouse should ALWAYS come first. It was designed that way in the very beginning. There weren't kids then marriage. It takes the man and woman to have kids (sorry if that's news... I'll try to keep the birds and the bees out of this ;) )
so your spouse should always be the number one priority. Obviously if they go psycho and start carrying around a chainsaw and saying "wanna play a game?" there could be some issues... So yes, protect your children, but they should never overrule or become more important that him/her.
Problemo Tres... or four... whatever:
LOVE LANGUAGES.
Everyone's are different. Take my mom for example. She feels special when she has time to really bond with you. Movies are fun for her but she'd rather talk and spend quality time or go to a museum or something. My dad likes sitting at home and listening to good music and cuddling or just enjoying the atmosphere together. Mom likes sappy stuff, Dad isn't sappy. Girls and guys, spaghetti and waffles. We're different. The thing is, both parties have to be willing to give and take. It can't always be about going to fancy dinners and Celine Dion concerts, and the husband can't ALWAYS get to sit home and watch football either. You need to understand each other's love languages, the little things they do to show you they care, and what makes them feel really special.
And the "falling out of love" excuse? Not gonna lie. I think that's total CRAP.
If you're meant to be together, (No I don't think there has to be JUST ONE person in all of God's green earth for each of us, but i do think he has several compatible people that He has set aside for us to choose from), then you can always make it work. But here's the shocker,
You're actually gonna have to TRY.
"That's what we do we fight. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant S.O.B. I tell you when you're being a pain in the a**...I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, you have a two second rebound rate. Then you're back doing the next pain in the a** thing. So I'm saying it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're going to have to work at this every day but I'm willing to do that because I want you. I want all of you, every day, forever. You and me, forever."
Yeah, that's right, I did just quote the notebook. But it's so true...
Fighting is what we do.
It's part of life.
But if some fights are going to scare you away, if you're not willing to go through hell and back for the person you love then you don't love them. At least not enough to marry them. Marriage is a battle but it's also heaven on earth if you both are willing to take the bad with the good.
"Through thick and thin and pitchin' in even when the times get tough."
For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.
Marriage isn't a game. It's FOREVER. And if you can't handle that, then I hate to break it to you, (actually I really don't mind it at all,) then you probably shouldn't be getting, or have gotten married.
Anywho :)
My rant...
I'm tired!!!
Well I actually have an interesting topic for this one. Well it's interesting to me anyway because it's relevant to my life.
Marriage.
Has anyone but me noticed the decline in lasting marriages?
I think there are several contributing factors.
First is the sad fact that many couples lose sight of the young love they once had. Life comes along and hits you like a ton of bricks and you get so caught up in paying bills, taking care of kids, working, house chores, etc etc that you have no more time to be spontanious and romantic or barely even talk. This helps nothing. I understand that it's a part of life but its very important to have couple time too. Babysitters = Best friends.
Along with this, after so much stress you start to feel like the relationship itself is the problem. Hello. No. This used to work and it doesn't now so something changed. Could it possibly be all those life issues mentioned before? Nooo.*gasp*
Love is not a chore. It should never be treated like one. If your love is starting to feel like a burden, something needs to change. I suggest time for reconnecting. And this doesn't have to mean spending absorbant ammounts of money. Honestly, girls don't always need money like so many people think. (Though i will admit, there are those superficial, snobby, needy girls too.....)
Built a fort in the living room and have a late-night picnic after the kids are asleep. Pick a Saturday and have someone watch the kids for a couple hours while you go to the park and cloud watch or walk. Pick a book to read together in bed after the kids are asleep.
Simple, fun, INEXPENSIVE ways to bond and enjoy each other's company.
Another problem in many of today's marriages is that the kids become priority one. Children need to be nurrtured and cared for, duh. But your spouse should ALWAYS come first. It was designed that way in the very beginning. There weren't kids then marriage. It takes the man and woman to have kids (sorry if that's news... I'll try to keep the birds and the bees out of this ;) )
so your spouse should always be the number one priority. Obviously if they go psycho and start carrying around a chainsaw and saying "wanna play a game?" there could be some issues... So yes, protect your children, but they should never overrule or become more important that him/her.
Problemo Tres... or four... whatever:
LOVE LANGUAGES.
Everyone's are different. Take my mom for example. She feels special when she has time to really bond with you. Movies are fun for her but she'd rather talk and spend quality time or go to a museum or something. My dad likes sitting at home and listening to good music and cuddling or just enjoying the atmosphere together. Mom likes sappy stuff, Dad isn't sappy. Girls and guys, spaghetti and waffles. We're different. The thing is, both parties have to be willing to give and take. It can't always be about going to fancy dinners and Celine Dion concerts, and the husband can't ALWAYS get to sit home and watch football either. You need to understand each other's love languages, the little things they do to show you they care, and what makes them feel really special.
And the "falling out of love" excuse? Not gonna lie. I think that's total CRAP.
If you're meant to be together, (No I don't think there has to be JUST ONE person in all of God's green earth for each of us, but i do think he has several compatible people that He has set aside for us to choose from), then you can always make it work. But here's the shocker,
You're actually gonna have to TRY.
"That's what we do we fight. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant S.O.B. I tell you when you're being a pain in the a**...I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, you have a two second rebound rate. Then you're back doing the next pain in the a** thing. So I'm saying it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're going to have to work at this every day but I'm willing to do that because I want you. I want all of you, every day, forever. You and me, forever."
Yeah, that's right, I did just quote the notebook. But it's so true...
Fighting is what we do.
It's part of life.
But if some fights are going to scare you away, if you're not willing to go through hell and back for the person you love then you don't love them. At least not enough to marry them. Marriage is a battle but it's also heaven on earth if you both are willing to take the bad with the good.
"Through thick and thin and pitchin' in even when the times get tough."
For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.
Marriage isn't a game. It's FOREVER. And if you can't handle that, then I hate to break it to you, (actually I really don't mind it at all,) then you probably shouldn't be getting, or have gotten married.
Anywho :)
My rant...
I'm tired!!!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Innocence
"What happened to me
The girl in the mirror
The one with the innocence
She screams but no one hears her
The one with a broken heart
She tried not to hurt
Now she's in the dark
> both of those are vocals
I'm lookin for my innocence
Don't know why it went and where it's been
But I think it's got somethin to do with memory
And memory's got somethin to do with you... and me
...
Rapping begins
I don't know when i lost it but i think it was with you
when i gave you my heart too early too soon
somethin happened and im not real sure
do i stay or walk out that door?
And now i find my innocence is gone
just like the night turns into dawn
I tried to stop you but i guess you didn't hear
the seriousness in my voice and the smell of fear
Now we're grown up from experience and pain
way before our time it's not even sane
Never meant to hurt or do anything
but i gotta accept that such are my chains
my heart was given way before its time
so be careful with yours, don't waste it like mine
shouldn't have lost it cause it caused me this
and now iv'e lost my innocence."
^ Snippets of a song I wrote. It's actually a rap...which is weird considering i'm usually a country or light metal girl....
But the lyrics seemed to be sticking in my head so hey.
I've been doing some thinking.
I practically got nothin' but time on my hands so hey, why not.
Besides. It's when you're bored or trying to sleep/relax that all of the secrets of the world start to bang on your door and beg for answers. -.-
But during my... meditation ( :P )
I realized that you don't have to be assaulted, or do something bad to lose your innocence. Being hurt, watching those you love be hurt...
Pain can steal innocence. You realize that the world is so much more "Big and Bad" than the big land where dreams come true that you see as a child. When you come to realize this, a part of your innocence is stripped away as you no longer trust like the child you were. You no longer give trust, friendship, favors, love as freely as you did when you saw everyone as a friend.
In a way, that's a bad thing, but in another way, don't we all have to grow up and stop living in Wonderland at some point?
The dilema is this:
Where do you draw the line between a learning curve, and going too far, untolerable treatment, etc.?
How long do you sit by while you lose your innocence before you decide enough is enough?
Or how do you make yourself see that it's just that; a learning experience?
I don't even know what I'm saying I'm just kindof rambling at this point.
Anyway.
Dog sitting this week.
Whoop!
till later
Xtine
The girl in the mirror
The one with the innocence
She screams but no one hears her
The one with a broken heart
She tried not to hurt
Now she's in the dark
> both of those are vocals
I'm lookin for my innocence
Don't know why it went and where it's been
But I think it's got somethin to do with memory
And memory's got somethin to do with you... and me
...
Rapping begins
I don't know when i lost it but i think it was with you
when i gave you my heart too early too soon
somethin happened and im not real sure
do i stay or walk out that door?
And now i find my innocence is gone
just like the night turns into dawn
I tried to stop you but i guess you didn't hear
the seriousness in my voice and the smell of fear
Now we're grown up from experience and pain
way before our time it's not even sane
Never meant to hurt or do anything
but i gotta accept that such are my chains
my heart was given way before its time
so be careful with yours, don't waste it like mine
shouldn't have lost it cause it caused me this
and now iv'e lost my innocence."
^ Snippets of a song I wrote. It's actually a rap...which is weird considering i'm usually a country or light metal girl....
But the lyrics seemed to be sticking in my head so hey.
I've been doing some thinking.
I practically got nothin' but time on my hands so hey, why not.
Besides. It's when you're bored or trying to sleep/relax that all of the secrets of the world start to bang on your door and beg for answers. -.-
But during my... meditation ( :P )
I realized that you don't have to be assaulted, or do something bad to lose your innocence. Being hurt, watching those you love be hurt...
Pain can steal innocence. You realize that the world is so much more "Big and Bad" than the big land where dreams come true that you see as a child. When you come to realize this, a part of your innocence is stripped away as you no longer trust like the child you were. You no longer give trust, friendship, favors, love as freely as you did when you saw everyone as a friend.
In a way, that's a bad thing, but in another way, don't we all have to grow up and stop living in Wonderland at some point?
The dilema is this:
Where do you draw the line between a learning curve, and going too far, untolerable treatment, etc.?
How long do you sit by while you lose your innocence before you decide enough is enough?
Or how do you make yourself see that it's just that; a learning experience?
I don't even know what I'm saying I'm just kindof rambling at this point.
Anyway.
Dog sitting this week.
Whoop!
till later
Xtine
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Beauty From Pain
Well... Many of you know what happened...
I'm sure many of you don't even know something happened.
I'm not going into detail because, well, to be honest, it's personally humiliating but also, I care too deeply about others involved.
But in short, I've been hurt more than I ever have in my life. And through that, I'm rediscovering God. I've realized that even those closest to me, my BEST friends, the people who claim to love me the most, are still people. They are still human and will, at some point, fail me.
Fairytales. I've blogged about those before. And how unreal they are and how they never happen.
Well I'd LOVE to say they don't. I'd LOVE to say I was stupid for ever believing that they did. But the truth is, for the time that I did believe in them, I was the happiest that I've ever been. Yes. Bad things will happen in life. But even fairytales have an evil twist in them. The point is that they end ok.
Well I found the evil twist in my story. And its basically a knife in my back and it's killing me. But the weird thing is, one of my best friends, who swears to always have my back and protect me, even she believes that my life is practically a Lifetime movie. One of those stupid sappy stories where love is real and everyone's lives turn out perfectly and the little grows up to be the star she'd always hoped she'd be. While it would be so easy to say that isn't true, that isn't how it works...
this friend believes in me. She believes in my future. My life. And she encouraged me never to give up. It's so rare to see something this beautiful, even with its scars.
I saw a status on facebook today that shook me.
"Don't put it off. Get to work now. Believe in yourself and go get what you want. No, don't just go get it. Attack it and take it cause it's yours. Take it cause you know that in you heart, if you don't, you will never forget that it was there all along for the taking and you just b****** up and let it go... Though the pain may come over you, never let it overcome you."
Basically that's all I needed to hear.
I thought I was trying.
I realized that that's just what it was. I THOUGHT I was. Then I realized that it will take ALL of me to work hard enough to get what I want. That I will be at war with my own mind for a long time to come but if I have "Gazelle Intensity" (as Dave Ramsey calls it... I figured someone would catch it...) if I fight with all I have, I will survive, I will find myself and what I lost.
So anyway.... Ladies... my apologies for ever telling you otherwise. But guess what. Fairytales exist!! Perfection does not. But fairytales are never actually perfect anyway.. Imperfection is what makes life perfect...
So this is a song I wrote...
Worthless and alone,
Everything unknown,
Pain and fear inside,
Emptiness in her eyes.
She's a bird who loved to sing,
but the pain has clipped her wings.
Now she's just the rat on the street,
wary of anyone that she meets.
The scars have stories to tell
Each one has a name
This one she didn't see coming
The pain drives her insane
There is One who shows His love.
She refuses to accept.
Conviced her only escape
lies in the hands of death.
Refusing to give up
His pursuit becomes enough,
Laying down her shield of pain
She is free of jailbird chains.
And He says
Chorus:
There is nowhere you can go
no where you can hide.
you're never on your own
I'm always on your side
You'll never mess up so bad
never fall down so hard
you'll never run so far
that you don't know who you are.
YOU ARE MINE.
Temptation knows no bounds
it haunts the pure of heart
everybody falls,
every night gets dark
it ruins the perfect things
the guilt is crippling
pain and fear inside
hatred in his eyes
Falling on his knees he cries
for what he's lost. He wants to die.
From somewhere in the dark a voice
calls to Its son, Its beloved by choice.
It says
Chorus
A story of pain
with a beautiful ending
the jailbird in chains
and the man who was stained
Each one finds love
and each their courage.
Strength to love again,
unaware they were purposed
Purposed by the Author,
of Celestial things
Meant to be together
To grow new wings.
Chorus.
Welp. I felt like venting... and typing is theraputic... that's definitely not the right spelling....
the clickity click of the keys sounds pleasant and monotonous.
Anyway.
Fight for what you want.
The world is at your fingertips.
Reach out.
"I believe in pink.
I believe that laughng is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing,
kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day
**and**
I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES."
~Audrey Hepburn
ttfn
I'm sure many of you don't even know something happened.
I'm not going into detail because, well, to be honest, it's personally humiliating but also, I care too deeply about others involved.
But in short, I've been hurt more than I ever have in my life. And through that, I'm rediscovering God. I've realized that even those closest to me, my BEST friends, the people who claim to love me the most, are still people. They are still human and will, at some point, fail me.
Fairytales. I've blogged about those before. And how unreal they are and how they never happen.
Well I'd LOVE to say they don't. I'd LOVE to say I was stupid for ever believing that they did. But the truth is, for the time that I did believe in them, I was the happiest that I've ever been. Yes. Bad things will happen in life. But even fairytales have an evil twist in them. The point is that they end ok.
Well I found the evil twist in my story. And its basically a knife in my back and it's killing me. But the weird thing is, one of my best friends, who swears to always have my back and protect me, even she believes that my life is practically a Lifetime movie. One of those stupid sappy stories where love is real and everyone's lives turn out perfectly and the little grows up to be the star she'd always hoped she'd be. While it would be so easy to say that isn't true, that isn't how it works...
this friend believes in me. She believes in my future. My life. And she encouraged me never to give up. It's so rare to see something this beautiful, even with its scars.
I saw a status on facebook today that shook me.
"Don't put it off. Get to work now. Believe in yourself and go get what you want. No, don't just go get it. Attack it and take it cause it's yours. Take it cause you know that in you heart, if you don't, you will never forget that it was there all along for the taking and you just b****** up and let it go... Though the pain may come over you, never let it overcome you."
Basically that's all I needed to hear.
I thought I was trying.
I realized that that's just what it was. I THOUGHT I was. Then I realized that it will take ALL of me to work hard enough to get what I want. That I will be at war with my own mind for a long time to come but if I have "Gazelle Intensity" (as Dave Ramsey calls it... I figured someone would catch it...) if I fight with all I have, I will survive, I will find myself and what I lost.
So anyway.... Ladies... my apologies for ever telling you otherwise. But guess what. Fairytales exist!! Perfection does not. But fairytales are never actually perfect anyway.. Imperfection is what makes life perfect...
So this is a song I wrote...
Worthless and alone,
Everything unknown,
Pain and fear inside,
Emptiness in her eyes.
She's a bird who loved to sing,
but the pain has clipped her wings.
Now she's just the rat on the street,
wary of anyone that she meets.
The scars have stories to tell
Each one has a name
This one she didn't see coming
The pain drives her insane
There is One who shows His love.
She refuses to accept.
Conviced her only escape
lies in the hands of death.
Refusing to give up
His pursuit becomes enough,
Laying down her shield of pain
She is free of jailbird chains.
And He says
Chorus:
There is nowhere you can go
no where you can hide.
you're never on your own
I'm always on your side
You'll never mess up so bad
never fall down so hard
you'll never run so far
that you don't know who you are.
YOU ARE MINE.
Temptation knows no bounds
it haunts the pure of heart
everybody falls,
every night gets dark
it ruins the perfect things
the guilt is crippling
pain and fear inside
hatred in his eyes
Falling on his knees he cries
for what he's lost. He wants to die.
From somewhere in the dark a voice
calls to Its son, Its beloved by choice.
It says
Chorus
A story of pain
with a beautiful ending
the jailbird in chains
and the man who was stained
Each one finds love
and each their courage.
Strength to love again,
unaware they were purposed
Purposed by the Author,
of Celestial things
Meant to be together
To grow new wings.
Chorus.
Welp. I felt like venting... and typing is theraputic... that's definitely not the right spelling....
the clickity click of the keys sounds pleasant and monotonous.
Anyway.
Fight for what you want.
The world is at your fingertips.
Reach out.
"I believe in pink.
I believe that laughng is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing,
kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day
**and**
I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES."
~Audrey Hepburn
ttfn
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Update, Don'ts, Randomness
AWRIIIIGHT.
It's kinda been a really long time since I've written a blog, or, well.... anything for that matter. I've missed it:/
I like being able to whine and complain about all manner of things without feeling too terribly because anyone that reads it is responsible for it themselves, it's not like we're in person where it would be considered rude to just up and walk off. It's a website. I don't see who reads all of this crap or just half. Or not at all. So I just whine to myself! :)
I think I'll add to my list of Do's and Don'ts of Public Behaviour. (Which, as you've noticed, is more like a big fat list of Don'ts....ehh:) )
DO. NOT. just throw your credit card down on the counter when you're checking out at my store. If I'm standing there waiting for you to put it in my hand, and you just toss it on the counter, would you like to know what that makes me want to do to you? I'd just love to take that card and shove it up your tail. I'd LOVE to just toss your items on the floor in front of you while you stand there with an outstreched hand and say "oops". and I'd REALLY love to just kick your butt out of my store. :)
On the other side of buying stuff, if you work at a store that serves people (most stores do....) Then customer service SHOULD be on your list of capabilities, should it not? Well it's sweet of you to just throw my items in the bag, huff and puff when I change my mind about something, act like ringing me out is SOOOO out of your way.... but I don't really appreciate that. If I can treat every customer, no matter how rude or dull, with respect and courtesy so can you. What else do you get paid for?? Lord.
Oh. and to the bajilions of people who seem to think that I'm new.... NO. I'm not new. and NO. I'm not having an "off day", actually. It's just you :)
Lalala.....
I neeeeeeed to start working on music!!!!
There's so much to do but I don't even wannaaaa.....
Yuck.
Welp.
I'm thinking Titanic is in order.
I'm feeling like a sad, girly, sappy, crying movie.
Crying sounds good.
Yeap:)
Merp! Wells I'm off:) I lost my train of thought.... choooo chooooo......
TTFN:)
I miss watching Pooh...
I'll have to fix that...
huh
...
CYAZZZ
:)
I wish I could freestyle rap...
It's kinda been a really long time since I've written a blog, or, well.... anything for that matter. I've missed it:/
I like being able to whine and complain about all manner of things without feeling too terribly because anyone that reads it is responsible for it themselves, it's not like we're in person where it would be considered rude to just up and walk off. It's a website. I don't see who reads all of this crap or just half. Or not at all. So I just whine to myself! :)
I think I'll add to my list of Do's and Don'ts of Public Behaviour. (Which, as you've noticed, is more like a big fat list of Don'ts....ehh:) )
DO. NOT. just throw your credit card down on the counter when you're checking out at my store. If I'm standing there waiting for you to put it in my hand, and you just toss it on the counter, would you like to know what that makes me want to do to you? I'd just love to take that card and shove it up your tail. I'd LOVE to just toss your items on the floor in front of you while you stand there with an outstreched hand and say "oops". and I'd REALLY love to just kick your butt out of my store. :)
On the other side of buying stuff, if you work at a store that serves people (most stores do....) Then customer service SHOULD be on your list of capabilities, should it not? Well it's sweet of you to just throw my items in the bag, huff and puff when I change my mind about something, act like ringing me out is SOOOO out of your way.... but I don't really appreciate that. If I can treat every customer, no matter how rude or dull, with respect and courtesy so can you. What else do you get paid for?? Lord.
Oh. and to the bajilions of people who seem to think that I'm new.... NO. I'm not new. and NO. I'm not having an "off day", actually. It's just you :)
Lalala.....
I neeeeeeed to start working on music!!!!
There's so much to do but I don't even wannaaaa.....
Yuck.
Welp.
I'm thinking Titanic is in order.
I'm feeling like a sad, girly, sappy, crying movie.
Crying sounds good.
Yeap:)
Merp! Wells I'm off:) I lost my train of thought.... choooo chooooo......
TTFN:)
I miss watching Pooh...
I'll have to fix that...
huh
...
CYAZZZ
:)
I wish I could freestyle rap...
Friday, June 1, 2012
RaNdOmStUfFfFfFfFfF
Well. It's been quite a long time since my last post.
I figured I'd take a break and let the world cool off after my last post...
The feedback was a mixture of "Wow way to go!" and "You are the world's worst person".
A lot of things have changed. Not all for the better but not all for the worse either. One of the best things is....
*Que dramatic theme music*
I GRADUATED!!!
Halle-freakin-lujah.
No more drama, (school-related anyway,) no more thesis, (THANK GOD,) no more waking up at 6 am, (ANGELS SING).
I won't lie, the last few months have been.... challenging. Hopefully I've grown from them, I like to think I have. But growing doesn't always feel so great. I guess that's why there are "growing pains" huh. At the moment I'm still wondering why God had me go through some of the things that have and are still going down. But I'm just assuming that there's a purpose.
I really need to move out.
NOW.
I love my parents. I do.
But I guess my thing is...
I'm 18 years old.
I am legal to drink on my property,
Smoke
Get married without parental consent
Vote (DOWN WITH THE BLOODY BIG EARS!)
And, my personal favorite,
MOVE OUT.
I chose to live at home right now, mostly because the thought of moving out scared me and at the moment I don't make enough to live on my own and girlfriends with supportive jobs are scarce so I can't room with someone.
I'm seriousy reconsidering that decision.
House rules? Fine. That's normal.
But if "house rules" involve treating me like a child for the rest of my life, haha guess what. I won't live in your house!
If you can't be a parent in any other areas of my life, I don't really see that you deserve to boss me around like one either...
There also comes a point when parents stop being the real... for lack of a better term, "authority figure" in their son/daughter's life and God and the church become the authority. It's been my belief that this happens when the son/daughter reaches adulthood and can legally live on their own.
Well. That point has come.
Although I'm pretty sure it snuck up on my parents.
Like I said. Don't get me wrong, I love them. I really do.
But we don't always see eye to eye and on a lot of those issues, I can get over it because they're really not that important or won't affect me for too long. On some things, though, I feel like if I don't say something I'll explode!...
Anyway.....
Moving on! Sorry for that.
Have you ever noticed someone really attractive, but then noticed that they obviously KNOW they're attractive?..... It's like... "Hot!!!! :D" to... "O.o.NOT."
Because I'm a girl, (OH MY GOSH REALLY??) I'll talk about guys.
Guys are so much cuter when they have no idea how handsome they are! Something about the innocence and lack of clinically obese ego is just.. just... it's adorable:)
AAAAAANYWAY. It's way late.. or way early.. however you wanna look at it.... and I kinda have a reason to be up before the crack of noon...or later.... so I guess I'll ttfn. :) (If you don't know what that means, you do not deserve existance. (Well that's slightly over the top...) But you're on my list so you better figure it out or I might cry!!
Ta-ta-for-now --Tigger! :)
Hugs kisses unicorns rainbows and mushy stuff!
I figured I'd take a break and let the world cool off after my last post...
The feedback was a mixture of "Wow way to go!" and "You are the world's worst person".
A lot of things have changed. Not all for the better but not all for the worse either. One of the best things is....
*Que dramatic theme music*
I GRADUATED!!!
Halle-freakin-lujah.
No more drama, (school-related anyway,) no more thesis, (THANK GOD,) no more waking up at 6 am, (ANGELS SING).
I won't lie, the last few months have been.... challenging. Hopefully I've grown from them, I like to think I have. But growing doesn't always feel so great. I guess that's why there are "growing pains" huh. At the moment I'm still wondering why God had me go through some of the things that have and are still going down. But I'm just assuming that there's a purpose.
I really need to move out.
NOW.
I love my parents. I do.
But I guess my thing is...
I'm 18 years old.
I am legal to drink on my property,
Smoke
Get married without parental consent
Vote (DOWN WITH THE BLOODY BIG EARS!)
And, my personal favorite,
MOVE OUT.
I chose to live at home right now, mostly because the thought of moving out scared me and at the moment I don't make enough to live on my own and girlfriends with supportive jobs are scarce so I can't room with someone.
I'm seriousy reconsidering that decision.
House rules? Fine. That's normal.
But if "house rules" involve treating me like a child for the rest of my life, haha guess what. I won't live in your house!
If you can't be a parent in any other areas of my life, I don't really see that you deserve to boss me around like one either...
There also comes a point when parents stop being the real... for lack of a better term, "authority figure" in their son/daughter's life and God and the church become the authority. It's been my belief that this happens when the son/daughter reaches adulthood and can legally live on their own.
Well. That point has come.
Although I'm pretty sure it snuck up on my parents.
Like I said. Don't get me wrong, I love them. I really do.
But we don't always see eye to eye and on a lot of those issues, I can get over it because they're really not that important or won't affect me for too long. On some things, though, I feel like if I don't say something I'll explode!...
Anyway.....
Moving on! Sorry for that.
Have you ever noticed someone really attractive, but then noticed that they obviously KNOW they're attractive?..... It's like... "Hot!!!! :D" to... "O.o.NOT."
Because I'm a girl, (OH MY GOSH REALLY??) I'll talk about guys.
Guys are so much cuter when they have no idea how handsome they are! Something about the innocence and lack of clinically obese ego is just.. just... it's adorable:)
AAAAAANYWAY. It's way late.. or way early.. however you wanna look at it.... and I kinda have a reason to be up before the crack of noon...or later.... so I guess I'll ttfn. :) (If you don't know what that means, you do not deserve existance. (Well that's slightly over the top...) But you're on my list so you better figure it out or I might cry!!
Ta-ta-for-now --Tigger! :)
Hugs kisses unicorns rainbows and mushy stuff!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Warning To The Pansies. This Will Be Personal. And I'm Not Holding Back.
WARNING TO THE SENSITIVE.
**BEWARE**
This will be personal and extremely honest. So if you don't want to hear what I have to say, don't read this.
And another thing. I will try extremely hard to keep this G but if there is an occasional profanity, I'm sorry.
I'm so. entirely. sick. and fed up. with being
JUDGED.
Get a life.
If you're really running that low on things to do that you need to nit-pick and find small little things to whine and complain about, things that don't involve you, things that you have no business sticking your snotty little nose into, then go to Walmart and buy some class, go out and get a life, and leave me the heck alone.
I will not give up an opportunity that comes my way to be happy, to feel worth something, to be someone, to be appreciated, to do something that I think is beneficial and worthwhile, just to spare some feelings. If this was truly detrimental to someone's salvation or life or whatever, that's completely different.
But shocker.
This has nothing to do with salvation,
nothing to do with life or death,
nothing to do with other people in general.
Don't come whining to me if you get your finger bit by sticking it into a dog's cage where it doesn't belong.
For those of you that know me, I care about people.
When I love, I love hard, and I love deep.
So when I do offend someone, I feel terrible.
There comes a point, however, when sometimes you just need to do what's best for you. You can't always live your life stepping around feelings, sacrificing every chance you have to be happy, JUST so you don't make someone mad. Guess what, unless you kick their grandma in the face or something, they'll most likely get over it.
I'm not saying to not be sensitive. You have to be careful how you handle things. But you can't force yourself into a situation that's horrible for you and uncomfortable and miserable just to make someone else feel good! Yeah, if it will save their life, you can deal with crawling around in some mud for a while but if it's just to make sure they're not offended by something.... There is a point where you need to live for you.
I'm sick of having people tell me who to talk to and who not to talk to
who to hang around and who not to hang around
who to date or more accurately, who not to date.
Unless you're God, you have no control over me. (Well ok parents kinda do too...)
And if you don't like what I'm doing, whining and complaining about it to 20 other people doesn't solve jack. If you have a problem with me or with what I'm doing or how I'm doing it, say it to my FACE. Last time I checked I'm a big girl and I can take it. Otherwise, acting like an elementary student and whining to all your classmates about someone won't solve problems,
won't do anything for you,
and certainly doesn't make you look cool.
You look like the sniveling gossip that you are.
I'm a big girl. And like I said, I can handle all of the crap you dish out. But that's not to say it isn't annoying as ****. (I'm trying to be nice.) That's not to say it doesn't hurt.
Especially when your best friends turn on you.
Oh my bad, sorry, I'll just go make myself miserable to spare your feelings.
..... LOL JK
There is a HUGE difference between being hurt and actively trying to hurt me and get back at me. What did I do wrong again? Choose to be with someone who makes me happy? Uhhh.... Yeah I'll get right on fixing that. Not.
Hurt?
I can understand that, and I truly am SO sorry......
But bitter, aggressive, rude, snotty, back-stabbing, gossiping, actively trying to hurt me?
Yeah you lost my sympathy right there.
Well are you happy? You're the reason there are wet spots on my pillow.
You're the reason for my scars.
You're the reason I don't trust.
You're the reason I have walls.
You're the reason I don't let anyone in.
You're the reason for my lack of faith in humanity.
You're the reason I shut you out.
Are you happy now?
Did that satisfy your thirst for revenge on my happiness?
Well....
Guess it probably just grinds your gears that I'm still happy huh....
Haha well that sucks.
You don't want to be involved? Gladly. This was never about you to begin with.
You're done? When were you involved?
You're going to judge? Since when have you know ANY details?
You're going to hate? Since when were you perfect?
I'm sorry that you have nothing better to do with your life than sit around pretending to be of the utmost importance and judge other people.
I guess you'll be stuck in highschool mode forever.
But as for me, I've moved on.
I'm over high school.
I'm over your drama.
And most of all.
I'm over you.
Daughtry--Over You.
"Now I never saw it comin
Shoulda started runnin
A long long time ago
Never thought I'd doubt you
Better off without you
More than you, more than you know
Slowly gettin closure
Guess it's really over
I'm finally gettin better
Now I'm pickin up the pieces
From spendin' all of these years
putting my heart back together
Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you."
.... Ironic. I'm performing this song at the talent show this Friday.... haha
Come watch!! :D Me, Devin, Grant (Grantuous/Grantonimly), Adam, Caleb. Yeeeeuh!
Anyway.
Sigh.***
Writing things out... yeah that felt good.
K well I've got other fun things to do so I'll seeya later kiddies.
Love, rainbows, happiness, unicorns, <3, mushyfeelingstuffetc....bla bla bla.
**BEWARE**
This will be personal and extremely honest. So if you don't want to hear what I have to say, don't read this.
And another thing. I will try extremely hard to keep this G but if there is an occasional profanity, I'm sorry.
I'm so. entirely. sick. and fed up. with being
JUDGED.
Get a life.
If you're really running that low on things to do that you need to nit-pick and find small little things to whine and complain about, things that don't involve you, things that you have no business sticking your snotty little nose into, then go to Walmart and buy some class, go out and get a life, and leave me the heck alone.
I will not give up an opportunity that comes my way to be happy, to feel worth something, to be someone, to be appreciated, to do something that I think is beneficial and worthwhile, just to spare some feelings. If this was truly detrimental to someone's salvation or life or whatever, that's completely different.
But shocker.
This has nothing to do with salvation,
nothing to do with life or death,
nothing to do with other people in general.
Don't come whining to me if you get your finger bit by sticking it into a dog's cage where it doesn't belong.
For those of you that know me, I care about people.
When I love, I love hard, and I love deep.
So when I do offend someone, I feel terrible.
There comes a point, however, when sometimes you just need to do what's best for you. You can't always live your life stepping around feelings, sacrificing every chance you have to be happy, JUST so you don't make someone mad. Guess what, unless you kick their grandma in the face or something, they'll most likely get over it.
I'm not saying to not be sensitive. You have to be careful how you handle things. But you can't force yourself into a situation that's horrible for you and uncomfortable and miserable just to make someone else feel good! Yeah, if it will save their life, you can deal with crawling around in some mud for a while but if it's just to make sure they're not offended by something.... There is a point where you need to live for you.
I'm sick of having people tell me who to talk to and who not to talk to
who to hang around and who not to hang around
who to date or more accurately, who not to date.
Unless you're God, you have no control over me. (Well ok parents kinda do too...)
And if you don't like what I'm doing, whining and complaining about it to 20 other people doesn't solve jack. If you have a problem with me or with what I'm doing or how I'm doing it, say it to my FACE. Last time I checked I'm a big girl and I can take it. Otherwise, acting like an elementary student and whining to all your classmates about someone won't solve problems,
won't do anything for you,
and certainly doesn't make you look cool.
You look like the sniveling gossip that you are.
I'm a big girl. And like I said, I can handle all of the crap you dish out. But that's not to say it isn't annoying as ****. (I'm trying to be nice.) That's not to say it doesn't hurt.
Especially when your best friends turn on you.
Oh my bad, sorry, I'll just go make myself miserable to spare your feelings.
..... LOL JK
There is a HUGE difference between being hurt and actively trying to hurt me and get back at me. What did I do wrong again? Choose to be with someone who makes me happy? Uhhh.... Yeah I'll get right on fixing that. Not.
Hurt?
I can understand that, and I truly am SO sorry......
But bitter, aggressive, rude, snotty, back-stabbing, gossiping, actively trying to hurt me?
Yeah you lost my sympathy right there.
Well are you happy? You're the reason there are wet spots on my pillow.
You're the reason for my scars.
You're the reason I don't trust.
You're the reason I have walls.
You're the reason I don't let anyone in.
You're the reason for my lack of faith in humanity.
You're the reason I shut you out.
Are you happy now?
Did that satisfy your thirst for revenge on my happiness?
Well....
Guess it probably just grinds your gears that I'm still happy huh....
Haha well that sucks.
You don't want to be involved? Gladly. This was never about you to begin with.
You're done? When were you involved?
You're going to judge? Since when have you know ANY details?
You're going to hate? Since when were you perfect?
I'm sorry that you have nothing better to do with your life than sit around pretending to be of the utmost importance and judge other people.
I guess you'll be stuck in highschool mode forever.
But as for me, I've moved on.
I'm over high school.
I'm over your drama.
And most of all.
I'm over you.
Daughtry--Over You.
"Now I never saw it comin
Shoulda started runnin
A long long time ago
Never thought I'd doubt you
Better off without you
More than you, more than you know
Slowly gettin closure
Guess it's really over
I'm finally gettin better
Now I'm pickin up the pieces
From spendin' all of these years
putting my heart back together
Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you."
.... Ironic. I'm performing this song at the talent show this Friday.... haha
Come watch!! :D Me, Devin, Grant (Grantuous/Grantonimly), Adam, Caleb. Yeeeeuh!
Anyway.
Sigh.***
Writing things out... yeah that felt good.
K well I've got other fun things to do so I'll seeya later kiddies.
Love, rainbows, happiness, unicorns, <3, mushyfeelingstuffetc....bla bla bla.
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